A Trip to the Pharmacy

Had an interesting totally Ugandan experience today in the Pharmacy of all places.   Allergies have been causing me terrible headaches over the last few days, to the extent that I left work today.  A rarity for me.  So finally, after having taken everything in my own medical stash - all to no avail - BC powders, coffee fully leaded, antihistamine and decongestants, ibuprofen, acetaminophen...  I went in search of some good drugs.  It is said you can get ANYTHING here, so I was rather looking forward to something in the way of a pain killer laced with a little euphoria.  You know Vicodin, Demerol, something that would not only kill the pain, but give me a little buzz or at least a good sleep.

I entered full of hope and was shown a plethora of possibilities, none of which I'd ever heard of and they hadn't heard of anything I wanted.  You see these are not actually pharmacists and there's nothing like a PDR there to guide you on what these the drugs with these new names actually ARE or what they DO.  Asking for details is not helpful.  So I left with Head Ex (that already sounds a bit ominous).  Is that like an Ex-husband,  you had a head but now you don't?  It's loaded with caffeine and is supposed to be Uganda's answer to Excedrin Migraine.  Don't think that's gonna help me sleep...  So I asked for something else. As he gave me this stuff called ParaFenac.  Sounds like something I should be using to wax my legs, but it's a pill so guess I rule that out.  I just asked, "Will it keep me awake or help me sleep?   Big smile:  "Oh madame, it will do both!"  "No, no" I said, you have to pick one or the other, both cannot be true."  "OK - it will help you sleep."  So I walked out with this stuff  and immediately Googled it to be sure I'm wasn't about to swallow strychnine or something for my libido (which could no doubt use some help).  Since this sign appears by the road on the way to a friends house (and appears courtesy of Michelle, another PCV) I felt there were many possibilities.

When we came here we were told if you go in any clinic, hospital or pharmacy and say you have "x" symptoms, you will automatically be treated for malaria.    "Headache - ah! you have malaria.  
Stomach hurt?  You have a touch of the Malaria. Fever - malaria.  Ingrown toenail - malaria. Foot in mouth:  malaria."    It's good to know - if I DO have Malaria  (or sickle cell or ulcers or loss of libido....) this is the "go to" place. 

You are thinking I exaggerate - but you would be wrong.  Today when I staggered home - head pounding - with my 4,000 shillings of meds and found I was being treated for Malaria, I knew the myth to be fact.  I went back and reiterated, "I need a PAIN KILLER, not Malaria treatment.  I do not have malaria! "  "Ah! but this will fix your headache!"   "No.... only if my headache is caused by MALARIA, which I do not have!"  Brazenly, I asked for my money back or a trade for a real honest to god painkiller.  So I left with 4 Codeine tablets, which I'm a little afraid to take, but will tomorrow if I still have the god forsaken headache.

Well there it is! I'm in a country where one can order Xanax, Valium and anything else just by bellying up to the bar and all I could come up with is codeine.   I'd like and cold beer and chips with that please.  Now those I know I can find.  Everything in Uganda comes with chips.  Cold beer - not so easy.